if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
