Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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