There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
