So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
