Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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