why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
