I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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