Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
