Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
