Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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