you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
