Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
