he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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