so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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