once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
