i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
