i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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