If that was your dad, he is hot
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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