I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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