it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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