Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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