i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
