just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
