He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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