I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
