And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
