So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she woke up with a sticky ear
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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