I hate all girls vehemently.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
