fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
