Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
