i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
