I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
