I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
