worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
