So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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