I'm really into asian looking animals
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
