the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
