my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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