The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
