I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
are you so shy because you have an std?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
