You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
