I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
