i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How's work?
Spinning.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
