there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
