We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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