I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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