Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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