hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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