U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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