Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
