that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
