I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
